HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUUHEI! Fic: [Bleach] Sudden realisations take the longest to form (ShuuKira)

[magic_in_flames]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HISAGI SHUUHEI!

I wroted you something 8D

Title: Sudden realisations take the longest to form
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Hisagi Shuuhei/Kira Izuru
Rating: PG
Warnings: Kissing. Vague spoilers for the end of the SS arc. Some angst.
Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo and related companies, I just like to play with his characters
Summary: When those who force them to look after themselves leave on their various missions, Shuuhei and Izuru find themselves looking after each other.
Author's notes: Written for Shuuhei's birthday challenge over at shuukira.
Guys, Muse woke up =D I actually really love parts of this fic, in a way that I haven't for a good while. I managed to use 'pillow' and 'coffee' but 'modern technology' refused to be included XD

Izuru rubbed a hand across his tired eyes to try and clear the blur from his sight, repressing a yawn as he turned over the next sheet. He hadn’t gotten a full nights sleep in weeks; there always seemed to be more paperwork to do, more reports to see, more requests to approve. Without a captain, Izuru had to do all of it and there just never seemed to be enough time.

Every so often he’d crash, the lack of sleep catching up to him all at once, and sleep almost through the day. His third and fourth seats would then try and do the paperwork that was needed, loath to wake him, but Izuru invariably found himself even further behind when that happened.

He was tired now, but there’d been worse days. Sighing happily as he laid aside the last sheet in his ‘to do’ pile, Izuru set aside his pen and stretched, relieving the pressure in aching muscles, cramped from sitting hunched over the desk all day. It took mere seconds to clear away everything from his desk but the paperwork that was to be sent to other divisions and he was finally ready to head to bed.

The person stood in the doorway to his office made Izuru jump when he first caught sight of him, not having expected anyone to be there. It took a moment to recognise him: the only light in the office was on Izuru’s desk, throwing long shadows over the doorway. Tired muscles tensed, readying for an attack - that horrible nightmare still hadn’t gone away; that he knew he would do it making it that much harder to shake - until finally he saw the shape of the uniform and relaxed gratefully.

“How long have you been there?” Izuru asked without preamble, too tired for small talk. He shut off the lamp on his desk and crossed the room with quick, short strides, walking steadily enough despite how heavy his legs felt.

“A little while. I didn’t want to disturb you.” There was a kindred weariness in Shuuhei’s voice, one that Izuru heard easily even if others did not. Shuuhei stepped back as Izuru pulled the door shut behind him, falling into step beside him down the wide corridor without having to be invited. Glancing at him, Izuru managed a tight smile before he almost stumbled, quickly focusing his attention on his feet once more.

They walked in a companionable silence through the halls of the dark 3rd division, everyone else already home for the day.

“Haven’t caught you for a training session this week.” Shuuhei said after a moment.

“Mm. Been too busy with the paperwork.” Izuru replied regretfully, and Shuuhei nodded, understanding. They lapsed back into quiet; both did enjoy the quiet of the night that they worked into, even if it was forced.

Izuru laughed softly, suddenly as a thought came to him, earning him a raised eyebrow from Shuuhei.

“Usually, it’s Abarai-kun in your position, Hisagi-san. Did he put you up to it?” Shuuhei laughed too, then, gently shoving Izuru’s shoulder, conscious of how unsteady the younger man seemed on his feet. Shuuhei wasn’t exactly at the top of his game either, if it came to that.

“Can’t I come because I’m worried about you? Geez.” Izuru opened his mouth to apologise, before Shuuhei continued. “Abarai did come yell at me about how we were both killing ourselves with work, yadda, yadda, before he left, but he didn’t put me up to anything.” Izuru shook his head, but his smile this time was stronger.

“Abarai-kun has been telling me to get more rest for a while.” he explained softly.

“Yeah, Rangiku-san’s been on at me to go out drinking more often.” Shuuhei admitted, sighing as he remembered some of her more creative ways to entice him.

“But you understand.” They said it at the same time. Izuru and Shuuhei looked at one another and laughed.

“Abarai-kun does have something of a point,” Izuru began.

“As does Rangiku-san,” Shuuhei added.

“But if we didn’t do the work,”

“Who would?” they finished together and laughed again.

There was silence again between them for another length of hallway. Shuuhei grinned as they reached the door, catching Izuru’s eye. “Tell you what, we’re going to work out what we can physically do, and then we’re going to make sure we both stick to that.” he offered.

Izuru stepped outside into the moonlight beside him, not answering for nearly a full minute as he thought about it. “How are we going to that?”

“Simple. We’ll check up on each other.” Shuuhei grinned like he had just come up with the best solution in the world to their problems. Izuru smiled back, but there were a lot of problems with this plan; for starters, what if neither of them realised it was the check up time?

“Would meal times be the best?” he suggested, setting his tired mind to thinking hard as they began the walk back to their quarters.

“Yeah.” There was a gleam in Shuuhei’s eyes that hadn’t been there before: he was excited about this plan. “Yeah, we can take a short break and make sure we get something to eat.” A knowing glance shared let Izuru know that Shuuhei missed his meals as often as he did. “And after the cut off time, we’ll meet outside our divisions and walk home together, make sure we get some sleep.” It was a good plan, Izuru conceded. So long as they both remembered.

“Alright.” They shook on it.

--

“Knock knock!” Izuru glanced up at the shout and grinned as Shuuhei stuck his head around the open doorframe. He still set his pen down carefully in the stand and organised the piles of paper before standing, but stepped quickly to meet Shuuhei. Izuru wasn’t quite sure why, but these daily meetings filled him with a new energy, renewing his will to work on the drudgery that was paperwork. It was kind of the same as the anticipation of a training session, but not at the same time. He didn’t try to think too hard on it; Izuru had spent years analysing situations, had to analyse them to survive them, and now he was going to just go with the flow.

It was a much needed light in the darkness.

“Do you have to do that?” he asked, teasing, as they set off down the hall. “It’s a little childish, don’t you think?”

“Childish is good sometimes.” Shuuhei said dismissively. “You gotta laugh at life.” Izuru was willing to give him that point, though there were certain situations that he would never, ever laugh in.

But he didn’t want to think about those. For once.

“Where are we going today?” It was lunchtime, and Shuuhei’s turn to pick where they ate. Funny, but when Izuru had been used to forgetting his meals, his stomach hadn’t bothered him. Now that he was eating regularly again, it liked to remind him when it was about time for Shuuhei to turn up. Shuuhei didn’t forget the time anywhere near as much as Izuru did, and they had just accepted that Shuuhei would fetch him after the first week.

“A coffee bar Rangiku-san took me to a while back.” Izuru gave him a long look, waiting for him to work it out.

“I don’t drink coffee, Hisagi-san.” he said finally.

“I know that.” Shuuhei chuckled. “They don’t just serve coffee, Kira, but they specialise in it. They serve some pretty kickass lunches too, so…” he trailed off, shrugging. If Izuru really didn’t want to go, he’d pick a different place. Izuru reassured him with a smile though.

“Sounds nice. And you’ve been spending time with Iba-san again today.” he added. Shuuhei blinked at him in surprise.

“How do you know that?”

“Easy,” Izuru paused a moment, waving to his third seat. “It shows in your language.” At Shuuhei’s still blank look, he clarified. “Your language changes depending on who you’re with. With me, it stays quite polite, normal I suppose. With Abarai-kun and Iba-san it goes down to their level, closer the longer you’re with them. And with Matsumoto-san, you’re really polite.” There was an element of teasing there, but Shuuhei skilfully turned it around with a comment of his own.

“Wow Kira, I never knew you paid so much attention to me.” He grinned when Izuru reddened a little.

“I always listen to people.” Izuru muttered. Shuuhei laughed and ruffled Izuru’s hair, the way he had when they were younger, less burdened. Making a face and darting away, Izuru straightened his hair. “And I’m supposed to listen to my senpai, aren’t I?”

“You never made much of a practice of that.” Shuuhei snorted.

-

“Go on, try it.” Shuuhei encouraged, resisting the urge to laugh as Izuru regarded the cup with such suspicion that he looked as if he expected it to bite him. He raised an eyebrow and gave Shuuhei a distinctly unimpressed look.

“I don’t like coffee.” he repeated. Shuuhei rolled his eyes, taking a sip before passing it to him, pressing Izuru’s hands around the cup.

“Just a sip. You’ve never tried coffee like this.” Izuru sighed, but Shuuhei wasn’t going to leave him alone unless he did. So, ignoring the huge grin on Shuuhei’s face, he took a tentative sip of the black liquid; he had known on some level that it was going to come down to this.

Izuru choked as the bitter tang hit him and he firmly set the cup back down on the table, wiping his mouth with his hand and looking frankly disgusted. “How do you drink that?” he asked, gulping a mouthful of his tea - not particularly good tea - to take the taste away.

Laughing as he took back his cup, Shuuhei shrugged. “I like it.” Izuru just shook his head, occasionally running his tongue over his lips; he could still taste it.

A strange thought crossed his mind after a few moments, one that Izuru refused to let form fully. Why on earth would he care about that ridiculous ‘indirect kiss’ notion Hinamori-kun had giggled about once?

--

Izuru had considered taking Shuuhei to a tea house in revenge, but he hadn’t. He liked to think of himself as more mature than that. Besides, Shuuhei liked tea, just less so than coffee. They made sure that they had more time for training too, both finally relenting a little and allowing their subordinates to share in their extra work, after much pestering from both them and Rangiku.

There was still so much to be serious over, still far too much to worry about, but Izuru found himself smiling ridiculously often at just the thought of meals with Hisagi-san. This sudden urge to be with him, to forget, just for a little while, all the things that tormented him, made him feel a little guilty. Hinamori-kun didn’t get to smile and laugh with a friend. Abarai-kun was off who knew where in horrible danger trying to save Inoue-san. Matsumoto-san was in the human world, admittedly probably having fun too, but also facing dangers he wasn’t. Why should he get to be happy every day?

And then Hisagi-san would appear and drag him off to some new bar or restaurant, refuting all his pleas to the contrary - “We made a pact, now come on.” - and make him forget all that. Izuru had been sleeping easier, but now this fresh guilt pulled at him and he found himself reacquainting himself with the ceiling at midnight.

Shuuhei noticed his increasingly haggard appearance, of course, and finally called him on it. It was a bright day at the tail end of August, the chill breeze the first sign of autumn. The first sign that winter was drawing nearer. They decided to take a picnic in their lunch hour, enjoy the last of the sunshine while they could.

“Kira, you ok?” The question surprised Izuru; sure, the extra sleep had been nice, but he’d survived without it before and really, he didn’t feel so bad.

“Yeah, I’m fine Hisagi-san. What made you ask?” Shuuhei fussed absently with his uniform for a moment before he answered, gathering his thoughts.

“You just look… Well, kinda tired. You worried about something?” Izuru appreciated the concern, he really did, but he doubted Shuuhei would understand these worries.

“Just about the war, and work I guess. Just the same things everyone else is worried about.” he answered dismissively, giving Shuuhei a too bright smile.

Shuuhei wasn’t fooled. He knew the blonde, and there was something more. But pushing never helped, Izuru would get defensive and then he’d have ruined this renewal of their friendship. Eventually, Izuru would confide in him.

For now, he shifted the basket they’d brought their food in and used it to hide his movements as he picked up one of the pillows they were sitting on. “Catch!” he yelled, tossing the pillow at a very surprised Izuru. There was no way he could duck in time and the pillow caught him full in the face. Shuuhei roared with laughter. Izuru blew out a breath of air and stood, grabbing the pillow as he stepped over to Shuuhei’s side of the blanket.

“Hisagi-san?” he said sweetly. Shuuhei barely had time to open his eyes before Izuru was beating him with the pillow until he cried out for mercy.

He was ridiculous sometimes, he really was, but he made Izuru laugh, and that was what counted right now.

--

It got worse in the next week. Anxieties about the war combined with his guilty feelings gave Izuru horrible nightmares. He’d wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, curling himself into a ball on his side and staring up at the moon through his window, afraid to sleep again. It go so bad it was affecting his work, giving him mood swings where he’d fall into dark depression about his abilities. Even his daily meetings with Shuuhei weren’t enough to lift him now.

Shuuhei, willing to resort to whatever methods he needed, got him slightly drunk one evening. Pressing stronger drinks on him soon loosened Izuru’s tongue, and while Shuuhei felt a little bad for doing this, Izuru obviously needed to talk.

“I want the truth this time, Kira. What’s up?” Izuru blinked slowly, shaking his head to try and focus. He wasn’t actually drunk, not yet, but he was far enough gone that he felt light headed.

“I can’t sleep.” he sighed finally, looking morosely at Shuuhei, propping his head up on his hand. “I keep having nightmares and I can’t concentrate on any of my work.”

“Why?” Shuuhei asked softly, knowing he might not get an answer.

“I’m having fun.” Izuru mumbled, chin slipping from his hand and almost smacking into the table, the jolt clearing his mind a little.

“What was that?” Shuuhei was sure he couldn’t have heard right.

“I’m having fun with you while Hinamori-kun and Abarai-kun and Matsumoto-san are all in danger and I’m here just, just!” Izuru almost yelled it, sitting up straight again, waving his sake cup in air beside him, spilling some of the liquid, before taking another long drink. Once he’d said it, it was like a floodgate had been opened, all his feelings pouring out at once as he babbled them to Shuuhei. Shuuhei, for his part, simply sat and let him get it off his chest, nodding every so often.

“You done?” he asked when Izuru stopped to take a deep breath. He nodded once, slumping back down in his seat. “Alright. Kira,” Izuru lifted his head, waiting. “You’re an absolute idiot.” He just stared at Shuuhei, waiting for the rest of it. “Do you think those guys wouldn’t want you to have fun when you could? That they’d begrudge you a good time? Honestly. Would you begrudge it to them?” Izuru slowly shook his head. “There you go.”

If he was honest with himself, Izuru should have known everything Shuuhei had just said. Of course they wouldn’t want him to be miserable, even if they were. But he’d been so caught up in his own feelings, he hadn’t thought about it like that. Izuru let his head fall forward to thunk against the table. He was an idiot. It surprised him sometimes, how quickly Shuuhei could change the way he was thinking.

But there was something he hadn’t told Shuuhei, something he hadn’t dared to even look at himself, except in the deepest grip of sleep. This might have been the real reason for all his anxiety, but he’d covered it up, not wanting to face himself. Shuuhei’s reasoning stripped him bare of all illusions and he found the realisation staring him in the face. Cold reality hurt, even with the cushion of alcohol.

He mumbled it into the wood of the table, so muffled even his own ears didn’t hear it. Shuuhei set his drink down, sighing. “What was that, Kira?” Izuru counted slowly to ten, gathering his courage. If he didn’t do it now, he never would. And now he’d acknowledged it, it would never leave him alone. I’m going to mess things up so bad.

“That’s not the only thing keeping me awake.” he repeated slowly, getting to his feet. Shuuhei gave him a curious look, but waited to see where the blonde was going with this. Unsteadily, and not just from the alcohol, Izuru made his way around the table, sliding onto the bench at Shuuhei’s side. Shuuhei’s eyes widened, on the verge of asking what was going on when Izuru leaned up and kissed him.

Shuuhei stared at Izuru’s closed eyes, watching as a single tear slipped from the corner of one. Izuru started to pull back after that single frozen, perfect moment with a soft sigh, but Shuuhei gently placed a hand on the back of his head and kissed back. Seeing his eyes snap open in surprise, Shuuhei let him break away, smiling and tangling his fingers in Izuru’s hair, brushing away the tear with the thumb of his other hand. The path of his thumb tickled over Izuru’s cheek and he had to blink rapidly to keep others at bay, wondering if this was real.

“You should have done that sooner.” he murmured. “I never knew if you’d be open to this kind of thing.” The heavy weight of Shuuhei’s hands and words wasn’t enough and Izuru pinched his leg, hard. He was awake. This had worked. Things like this never worked out for him.

Izuru’s shock slowly changed to pleasant surprise and he smiled back. “I think I only just worked it out myself.” He tentatively put an arm around Shuuhei, shuffling closer, kissing him again. Shuuhei tasted faintly, very faintly, of the coffee he’d drunken earlier and sudden Izuru decided the taste wasn’t so bad. The alcohol fog seemed to have disappeared, the only thing in his mind the feeling of being pressed against this person who he’d only just admitted to himself that he liked. It was incredible.

--

There was war coming, his friends were in danger even now, but Shuuhei was there to remind Izuru that there was always something to smile about, that it was fine to be selfish sometimes. Shuuhei distracted Izuru from his darkest thoughts. Taking care of Izuru helped Shuuhei focus on something beside what was to come. They were both still so afraid of the future, but right now the present seemed a pretty good place to be.

Comments

[ceestar.livejournal.com]

There are a SHOCKING amount of words flying in my head that I refuse to type right now, because I do not swear or curse!!

BUT GUH!!! Mary that ... that... that... seriously my hands are shaking and my heart is racing I can't even describe the greatness of this fic!!

“But you understand.” They said it at the same time.

I think that is one of the strongest pillars of this pairing, yet I'm not sure I've ever seen it said in a fic, even if everyone thinks it! I seriously squealed when I read that!
There was another line I really liked but the end of the fic has blown it away, my mind is lost in a haze of fluff and love!!!

Adding this to my memories, I love it too much, I love it love it love it loveitloveitloveitloveit!!!

[kwansan.livejournal.com]

Oh, that last paragraph just made me melt with joy.

He was ridiculous sometimes, he really was, but he made Izuru laugh, and that was what counted right now.
Why we love the adorable dork that is Shuuhei <3

I loved reading this. The pact, the happiness, the breakdown, the make-up. It all came together so well and has definitely satisfied my ShuuKira fluff craving x)

[letainajup.livejournal.com]

OMG this does fit perfectly after the SS arc! I can see it with all the time Kira and Hisagi will have together - ahhhhh this was written so well!

It was so sweet when it started with Hisagi meeting up with him and how they made that deal to take care of each other! And it was so nice to Kira but he was getting those feelings and anxieties about things~~~OOooo the ending made me squeal, I really liked it great job!

[blue-eyesgirl.livejournal.com]

*flails EVERYWHERE*
Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah that was so cute; and just enough angst for my liking and you just got them so perfectly.

Izu is so the type of person to just think things through over and over; to just go over scenarios again and again! That's why he needs dork!Shuu XDD

And the bit about Shuu changing his speech pattern had me giggling :DD

[ganja-chan.livejournal.com]

Awww :D That was so cute, just like IMO ShuuKira should be... but it was sweet without being impossible, or too sugary. That's because there's some angst inside. And it even had some humour... oh, I loved it.


(LOL ganja read it a week after it had been published... lol)

*gives many cookies!!!!!*